Piczo

Final Koto Practice

It seems like in my last few weeks of living in Japan for a year, everyday is a new goodbye. A few days ago, I was reading some of my old posts, and I stumbled on the outbound post of Saying Goodbye. I was really upset when I wrote it. My good friend was leaving for Bolivia, and we probably weren't going to see each other as I was leaving the day she was returning. Saying goodbye to her, made me think about how hard it was going to be to say goodbye to Mom and Dad, Shannon, Nana, and Pop. Everyone that I love in America. My life in America, which I'm not going to lie, was really difficult, until the middle of Sophomore year. Then it got so much better. Yet, when I wrote it, I seemingly foreshadowed these few days I've been living in Japan. I wrote, in only one sentence, "saying goodbye to Japan will probably be even harder." No one tells you the hardest part of your exchange is not overcoming a language barrier, getting through Christmas, dealing with a difficult host family. No, the most difficult part of your exchange is letting go of the lifestyle you took a year to build up. What is a year really? 365 days? People in Japan usually live up to 100 years of age, and thus 1 year is just a speck of memory. But this year can never be just a speck of memory. I honestly do not think anybody has ever had an exchange that was as good as mine. Perhaps this statement will cause some controversy, especially since alot of exchange students frequent this site (and steal ideas.) But when you come to a land with absolutely no knowledge of the culture, language, lifestyle, and everything, and then leave feeling more content than ever before. Well, it's just really something, isn't it? And now that I got that feeling off my mind, I'm on to type about the hardest goodbye I have yet to say. I don't really know that this means very much, as I haven't had to say goodbye to everyone at the time of this typing. But on the morning of August 6th, the Tosajoshi Koto club gathered for one final time and tribute their honorary exchange student. I woke up early to the sound of my cell phone alarm. I haven't heard it in awhile, or at least since school ended. I nearly threw it against the wall, like in one of the television comedies. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I finally get into bed at around 1, and fall asleep and hour or two later. All I can do is think about home and Japan, and try to disnguish the difference between the two. Thus I had something like 4 hours of sleep that night. And with the beating sun every morning, murdering the skin on my face, I have the BIGGEST age wrinkles ever. I look like an Old Man, and feel like on until I drink my morning Coffee. After I was dressed and ready in my uniform, I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. Okasan greeted me and then smiled at me in a sad manner. I asked her what was wrong, and she reminded me that this was the last day that I would be heading to school in uniform. I was really annoyed at this comment. I guess I'm lucky that the Japanese language doesn't really allow you to express anger, because this is what I wanted to say, "everything is the LAST... FINAL.... END.... I'm so tired of hearing that, this and that is the end. I just want it all to END!" I guess I must sound like a moody teenager, but I'm so stressed out and not handling as well as I used to. It's true, though, everything seems to be the last of this and the final of that. My sanity can't take much more. I mean I'm fully aware that it's the end, but I really don't want to be reminded. The other problem is that I no longer cry. Okay, so I guess that's not really a problem. But I don't even cry when Chiake, my best friend is hugging me and wailing for me not to go home. It's like I'm so immunised to these endings on the crying part. Anyway, Okasan asked me what time my Koto concert would begin. Her and her 3rd daughter, Mamiko, who had just returned from University wanted to come and watch. The one thing I have to admit, is that I really love when my host families come to watch my activities. I don't expect them to, 'cause they are all really busy, but when they do, it makes me happy. I'm like the epitome of a bad teenager. I just don't understand when kids tell their parents NOT to come and watch their performances. I guess, maybe if I really sucked, I'd get it. But even still. I think it's because I wish my real Mom and Dad could see my playing the Koto, dancing Yosakoi, and participating in traditional Japanese Dance. But since they are on the other side of the world, that's a bit impossible. I set off for school, that last time on my bike. Along the way, I passed through the streets of Mama, and on my favorite course to get to Tosajoshi. It wasn't a stroll down Memory Lane, because I do it everyday, but I was trying to take everything in. I hate to quote Bon Jovi but, "Take it in, take it with you where you go." When I pulled up to TOjo at 9, I rushed into the school, trying to avoid being late. I got plenty of "Judii!!" greetings. Most of the Club girls who have to come to school in the summer can't imagine why I'm still here. Most exchange students leave in June and July. But I'm staying through till the end. And they also don't get why I'm at Tojo, when I clearly graduated. It's because I can't stay away from my club. I made it up to the third floor, out of breath, but in a much cheerier mood from all the morning greetings. Only to suddenly be uplifted in walking into the Tea Ceremony room, where the Koto club meets everyday for practice. I barely stepped through the door when the Ko Ichinensee girls spotted me and let out a huge cheer, "JUDII!" I smiled and greeted them back, pulled off my slippers and walked on to the Tatami mats where some of the girls had already laid out the Koto's. Today was not like most practices, it was my Going Away mini concert type thing. And thus, the girls, who on normal days are just plain energetic and happy, were even crazier. The Middle School girls jumped up and down and screamed my name over and over again. Luckily, I as rescued by club leader, and my best friend, Chiake Yamanaka. Since the Koto club was all finifhed up with their All Japan tournament, she was not one big bundle of nerves, or a grouch to be around. It was the Chiake that I have come to love. She pointed out a Koto, which I retrieved and set down in my practice spot. I put the little tuners on, and waited for Chiake to come and tune the Koto. While she worked steadily, I went and got a music stand and Koto stand. Then I pulled out my final piece of Music and began to practice. The Ko Ninensee girls, better known as my friends, returned at this point and rushed over to me for some hugs. Then CHiake returned to her Nazi Koto captain self, forcing the girls to leave me alone because I had to practice to impress my host family. I tried to tell her if that if I touched my tongue to my nose, the Katou's would probably be impressed, but she ignored me. Thus I began practicing the song, Yuyake Koyake, which I have been practicing every so often since May. A week ago, I returned home and asked my host family the meaning of the song. It seemed like the Koto teacher was so forceful to make sure that it was the last song I played, no matter how much I argued against it. Yuyake koyake (Sunrise, Sunset) is a popular childrens song composed by Shin Kusakawa, who worked as a music teacher at Hasedo Elementary School in Ebisu. The song signals the end of the school day as the children return home. I understood exactly why they had chosen this piece for me. And even though, I hated the song with passion, I could not deny that it had been chosen for a reason. Because I was that school child returning home, that exchange student returning home from a long day, when in August I would be playing it for the final time. When I learned this, I became determined that it would be perfect when I played it for the final time. At 9:30, the Ko Ichinensee and Ko Ninensee, exclusing me, practiced their song, in which they would play for the Mini Concert. It was a celebration song, and when I hear it I could have kissed Chiake for picking it. THis may be the first and only time that in saying goodbye, it is is done so in a happy manner. After they practiced, the Ko Ichinensee girls filed out, and I was called to practice with the group. For the first time all year, I was not nervous at all prior to a concert. This one was small, sure, but I was really confident in my skills. I placed the Tsume on my fingers and listened to Yukimi play the beginning parts of the tune. Then on cue, with Airi and Yukimi, I began. It was the first time I played the entire song with all the girl together as one, and it turned out quite brilliant. After we were done, CHiake looked at me and flung up her thumb in a 'good' signal. Normally she say something like, "Well if we keep trying, you'll get it," or "I know you did your best, and that's all the really counts." It's not that I'm bad, but Chiake is a bit obsessed with perfection from the Koto club. She seems to only expect perfection, which I reckon is the reason they made her captain. At 10, Mamiko Katou arrived at Tojo. She used to be a student here, so I watched as she walked down the hallways filled with memories. I wondered when I would be able to do that. While we waited for Okasan to arrive, the members remarked at how beautiful Mamiko is. They were shocked when I told them she was a Tosajoshi girl. Returnig to the club room, I put my Koto against the wall. The first song that would be played this morning was the Celebration song. When Okasan arrived, she and I Mamiko entered the Koto room. Takemura-sensei, the teacher in charge of the club, welcomed them. I grabbed my blue Tosajoshi bag, and sat with Okasan and Mamiko in the front of the room in chairs overlooking the Tatemi mats. On the mats, Chiake and the Ko Ichinensee and Ninensee members of the club all sat at their own individual Koto's. Chiake welcomed my host family and then explained the purpose of the Mini Concert, "We, the Tosajoshi Koto club, are performing a Going Away Mini Concert in the honor of the exchange student Julie Garner, a member of our club. The Senior members will now perform a Celebration Tune, to celebrate the year Julie has had. Afterwards Julie will lead the Ko Ninensee in a rendition of YuYake Koyake. Please Enjoy! Now members, let's bow!" And then they began. The piece of music was one that I had heard since last November, when I first joined the Koto club. And as I watched the seriousness of the girls as the strummed away in their own worlds, I thought back to everything this club has given me. All the memories, at least. My first practice, when an insane girl nicknamed Taco forced me to take a million pictures with her. After the practice, the members all gathered around me and asked me how often I would coming to club. I told them once a week, and they all frowned. The next thing I remember was being talked into coming twice a week and nearly everyday of Winter Break. As my Japanese prgressed, so to did my membership with the club. One day in Winter Break, after practice was over, the girls of my grade sat around and listened to me talk. I ended up bursting into tears and telling them how difficult my second family was, and how school wasn't fun anymore because the girls in my class could never hang out. Chiake, Casami, Yukimi, Airi, Yoko, and Yuki listened and then hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. And in their words I listened. WHen I moved out of the second family, I was closer to Chiake's home. And thus, I would stay till the end of practice and together we would bike home in the rain laughing and screaming at each other in Japanese. When I had a hard time with one particular piece of music, which caused the teachers to consider giving me a simpler piece, I listened as Yukimi and Casami fought for me, and told them I was good enough for the difficult piece. And in April, when my Mom and Nana came for visit, the club insisted on having a Mini concert to show them my new skill. They were fortunate enough to see me play Sakura 21 with my best friends, and club members. And then there was that night in April, when we all played Sakura 21, one final time, in front of 500 people at the big concert. It was an amazing night. Practices and summer vacation later, and here we were sitting again in our Koto club room about to finish my term as a member of the Koto club. This piece if music made me remember all of this and more. And when they were finished, after the thank you bow, Chiake gestured for me to pull nup my Koto. I retrieved from it's wall position and placed in between Airi and Yuki. Chiake watched me, and when I was all settled, with the Tsume on my fingers, the book opened to the right page, and a smile on my face, she signaled Yukimi to begin. And when the time came, so too did I. It was not perfect, but it was me. I'm not a perfect person, but this year I have tried my hardest to do my best, and that is exactly how my final playing went. The Lyrics to Yukake Koyake: 夕焼け 小焼けで 日（ひ）が暮（く）れて 山（やま）のお寺（てら）の 鐘（かね）がなる おててつないで みなかえろう 烏（からす）と いっしょに かえりましょう 　子供（こども）が かえった あとからは まるい大（おお）きな お月（つき）さま 小鳥（ことり）が夢（ゆめ）を 見（み）るころは 空（そら）には きらきら 金（きん）の星（ほし） And for all those of you who are Japanese impaired. The english lyric version: The sunset is the end of the day, the bell from the mountain temple rings hand by hand let’s go back home together with the crows. After the children are back at home a big and round moon shines, when the birds dream, the brightness from the stars fills the sky. And that is how I finished my tenure as a member of the Tosajoshi Koto Club. Though I was not yet one of the children to return home, the tears filled the eyes of Chiake and Yukimi as I strummed my last 7th string. I waited for the signal, and then bowed. I was done. It was over. My extracurricular activities were officially finished with. I quickly headed to my host family, and thanked them for coming, while Takemurs-sensei walked them to the exit. All the members of the club, from the first year in middle school, to the my grade, had come to watch. Now they waited patienly for Chiake to give orders. I supposed they expected her to go berserk at them for something, like usual, but instead she got up from her Koto calmly. Here eyes were puffed, and I could see her physically pinching herself to keep herself from crying. She quietly told the girls to head into the Art Room, where there would be a small party. I was a bit surprised, because I didn't expect there to be a party. I just thought we would be playing. In the Art Room, the members of the Ko Ninensee, who had purchased drinks and desserts, were quickly passing them all out to the younger members. When they were finished Takemura-sensei returned to join the party. As everyone was seated and ready to dig into their food, Takemura-sensei stood up for a bit of a speech. She began saying that in the history of the Koto club, 3 exchange students had joined. 20 years ago an Australian girl learned the music but didn't stay in it very long. 8 years ago a talented Tai girl joined and blew them all away in her musical talent. And last but certianly not least, me. I joined the Tosajoshi Koto club. She went on with how I originally joined the Track team, but left around November to try things related to Japanese culture. Matsuoka-sensei recommended me to try the Koto club, and even though I begged him not to make me do it, because I would be an embarrassment not knowing how to read music, he forced me to go. I found that the music was much easier to read than regular music, because it was just Japanese Kanji. And since then, I have been involved and loved by the Koto club. Chiake went next and talked about how she and I became best of friends this year, thanks to the club. THen they asked me to do a speech and all I could get out was a simple thank you. WHen I was done, I bowed and sat back down. Takemura-sensei then lifted her cup in the air and called for everyone to do the same. We let out a loud Kampai! or CHeers!, smashed cups, and then swallowed down. My drink was some nasty tasting Orange stuff, and I reminded myself that only next week would I get to retrun my delicious Tropicana 100% Then as I was forcing myself to swallow this foul Orange thing, the girls dove into their dessert of crackers and chocolate. It was a feast. The whole time I sat and conversed with Taco and CHiake about school, and how they were going to find a way to come and visit me in America. At 11, everyone was finished eating and waiting for orders. Chiake decided to give the girls an hour and half break, after they cleaned up. And so when they were all finished, the younger students trekked out for lunch. WHile the Ko Ninensee stayed behind. I wanted to get some pictures of us with the Koto's before I was to leave. We hung sround the room, in the way that I will never forget, the way we did on the days when we didn't have a big concert on the agenda. The days of WInter Break, when I first began to feel apart of the Koto club. We layed on the mats, in between the long Kotos pretending to sleep, or hopping around and playing Tag. We laughed and took bad pictures of each other, messed up one another's hair, and put mean notes on CHiake's back. Chiake and Yuki began practicing a song, while Taco and I shot rubber bands at them from a secret spot. When Chiake found us, she jumped up and began chasing us around the school. This is what I will always remember about the club. The friends I have made, and have come to love. The girls, that gave me the experience if a Japanese club life, and the family bonds that come with it. 12 quickly came along, which was when I had to return. I grabbed my bag, and was off. I wanted to make a quick escape, because for the first time in all of the goodbyes I have had to keep saying these days, I really felt generally sad about this one. But the Ko Ninensee girls walked me to the door. Inches before I was free, the tears came. This was it. I was really saying goodbye. EVeryone began to tear up, but stopped when they listened to Taco, who was literally howling. She sounded like a wolf on a drugs. And we all burst into laughter at her. One that came from the stomach and left pains as we quite literally rolled on the floor. Taco couldn't stop, even though she was aware we were all laughing at her. She went on howling, "Judi! Don't go! We will miss you!" I gave her a big hug, while forcibly suppressing my laughter. Instead of saying goodbye, I told them I would see them all again soon. Which is true. They are all going to come and watch me dance in Yosakoi, and afterwards try to come to the airport. I walked away in a chuckle, listening to Taco continue howling, until I heard Chiake's voice, "SHut up you big baby!" And that's how I will always remember our goodbye.